Compliance Does Not Equal Respect
This is such an important topic, but can be a pretty tricky one for us, as adults, to embrace.
Compliance does NOT equal respect.
Prioritising compliance occurs at the expense of meeting the child’s needs. To truly understand a child’s behaviour, we need to be curious and look at the needs behind it (remember our recent post about the iceberg model?)
‘Compliance’ is about obedience; making children do what we want them to do. There is an implied power imbalance and is usually enforced via rewards and punishments (which we know do not meet the underlying need).
Compliance is also somewhat fear-based in nature. When a child is fearful of potential consequences, we're not actually teaching them about the reasons why something is/isn't a good idea.
Respect, however, is mutual and shared. It is reciprocal (which means it’s a two way street). In order to teach children respect, we need to role model it. We have to give it to get it.
Often, it’s not about changing the child’s behavior but more about changing our response.
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