The difficult part about being a parent is rarely our child's behavior but rather the constructs we have created around what and who our child should be.
Hey, being a parent is hard.
Acknowledging that it’s challenging, that we may not always know how to respond, or that sometimes we respond in ways that we later regret is okay.
There is nothing wrong with feeling stressed and overwhelmed.
It’s also okay for us to talk about it.
Don’t take this post thinking we need to never talk about the challenges. Let’s talk about them. Let’s normalize having struggles.
And, as we talk about them let’s dig deep and explore why we continue to have these struggles.
Sometimes we’re lacking basic needs (sleep, hydration, nature, nutrition, affection, emotional connection).
Sometimes there’s other external factors that need to be considered such as the loss of income during a pandemic, moving in with family, and so on.
Sometimes the WHY is because we have projected expectations (coming from our egos) around who our child should be and the way they should behave.
My child is a happy person ~ so we are frustrated when they’re no longer a happy person.
My child will love me ~ so they will take care of me when I’m older.
My child will follow the family footsteps ~ so they will practice my religion, and follow the family profession.
My child is kind ~ so I get angry when they do unkind or hurtful things.
My child will be good ~ so they’re not allowed to have bad moments.
Most of these thoughts live in our unconscious mind. When our child is something different than what we have expected them to be, we are increasingly upset at them or ourselves.
What would it look like then to allow our children to be their messy transforming selves?
It isn’t a pass to passive parenting.
We don’t ignore when our child hurts another child but when we let go of the expectations of our children being perfect/ good/ loving/ caring and simply allow them to be, we address the behavior without blaming them or ourselves.
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